October 2020
Reflections on turning 70: Time does not change us, it unfolds us
When I was 17, I went on a youth retreat that challenged us to be authentic and genuine in a world that often seemed to demand that we each take a well-defined place in society. Empathy was proposed as a vital component to building a healthy society. It was 1969, the country was restless and primed for change. So was I. The Vietnam War was on the news every night, friends of mine were drafted and friends of mine died. Two additional wars were also fought, one for Civil Rights and another for Women’s Rights. None of this was lost on me.
“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or faraway”
~Henry David Thoreau
The music of those times challenged us to do our part in creating a world that was more accepting, more peaceful and one that had greater opportunities for minorities. The music and the ideals inspired me, formed me, and still resonate with me more than 50 years later. They are perennial ideals that require our consistent attention and careful nurturing.
As I graduated from high school in 1970, the opportunities for young women were limited to teacher, nurse, or secretary, only to be set aside when one became a wife and mother. It was clear that the expectations for me did not include higher education nor for carving out a life of my own for myself. But that is what I needed and what I wanted. My mom understood and provided me encouragement, but the responsibility for making it a reality was my own. I earned my degrees and certifications with sacrifice, hard work and careful decision-making. Of central importance to me now is that my daughters, granddaughters, and nieces all have greater opportunities and choices in how to build and live their own lives.
I learned it is vital that a woman trust her instincts, know her value, and not allow any detractors to define who or what she should become. Equally important is that she never compromise her integrity, not for any relationship nor any position.
The experiences I had as an EMS provider taught me valuable lessons, chief among them was to be grateful for life’s blessings, large and small. I am especially grateful to those people who have enriched my life with their love, trust, and friendship. Everything can change in a moment. Don’t take anything or anyone for granted.
I have been a life-long volunteer. I have always believed in being kind for the safe of kindness, without any expectation of a reward. A small act of kindness, or someone simply being present has often had a profound effect on my own life in times of uncertainty or loneliness. Among the benefits of working at the theater has been playing the role of “Good Will Ambassador” and making people feel noticed and appreciated.
Several years ago, Dr. Kent M. Keith wrote up “The Paradoxical Commandments,” which were echoed by Mother Theresa and are paraphrased here:
People may be illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness may make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
Big ideas can be shot down by the small minds. Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but may follow only top dogs. Fight for the underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People might really need help but may attack you when you do help them. Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and you may be knocked down. Give the world the best you have anyway.
If I have any regrets, it is this: There are people who will view every interaction and every relationship as transactional. They will look upon you with suspicion if you hold the door open for them. Your motives must be honorable, but your intentions must also be clear to avoid speculation and unfounded accusations. Sadly, it is a lesson that I have been reminded of enough times to have tempered my tendency to “hold doors open” for some. I try not to hold on to ill feelings, but I struggle to shake off my disappointment.
The last 10 years have been full of challenges and transitions for me and my family. This is a partial list of the highlights:
· 2012 – My mom passes away/ I start working at the Blumenthal Theater
· 2013 – I break my ankle in three places/Jess’ adoption is finalized
· 2014- Katie and her family move to South Carolina and live with us until they find a home.
· 2015 – My dad is diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer and passes away
· 2016 – I have my right knee replaced/ Jess & Shane move to Winston-Salem, NC/ Erin is in a car accident, fractures her arm and has a concussion.
· 2017 – Meghan and her family moves to Mexico/ Charles retires from teaching
· 2018 – Charles has a major heart attack/ The Wiers adopt Sophie
· 2019 – A Worldwide Pandemic/ George gets a new job in Corning, NY/Kate and the kids move in with us for a few months before joining George in NY
· 2020 –Nathan moves in with us to finish High School/ I have my left knee replaced/Jim dies suddenly.
· 2021 –Erin has surgery on both feet/ I have my left foot reconstructed/Charles has Carotid Endarterectomy surgery/ Meghan’s family moves in after returning from Mexico/ Erin files for divorce and moves into a new home
· 2022 –Meghan and her family move into their new home/ Jess’ surgery/ Nathan graduates from High School and starts college/ Erin and Jake’s divorce is finalized/Kate quits her teaching job with hopes of pivoting careers
The 70 years that I have been given so far have been wonderful in many ways. Opportunities are always followed by choices and choices beget more opportunities. I am keenly aware of the passage of time and that whatever time left to me should not be wasted. In addition to my 70th birthday, Charles and I will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary this upcoming summer. We intend to gather our family together make lasting memories with everyone while we can.
All of us have put in thousands of miles of travel, both domestic and international. Hours upon hours of music, dance, and theater. Several job changes or new businesses started. Health scares, surgeries, and rehab. The passing of several loved ones. Adventures and activities large and small. My daughters have proven themselves to be tough, resilient women, they work hard, and they understand their priorities. My grandchildren are becoming human beings who are generous, grateful, and gracious. Anytime, anyplace, any reason. Life should be lived as a celebration.
